Sanctuary of Reflections

Up,Down,Up,Down,LT,Triangle,Square: I am A Cheater

2011-05-24T21:51:00.000+12:00

response to:
Forbidden Pleasures: Cheating in Computer Games by Julian Kücklich

Cheating in video games is not something new. Originally intended as a dev tool ( to allow the developers to play through the game for quality assessment using as little time and effort as possible), the cheats have stuck around in the end-product to be manipulated by the consumers - the gamers. In games with high interactivity, like First-person shooters (FPS), Role-playing and beat-em-ups, cheats give access to previously locked content, such as maps, weapons and skill moves, including the ever-popular ‘GODMODE’. For the curious, this cheat allows the player to wander around the map, invulnerable to any harm, free to dish out punishment to others. Still wondering how it got its name?

Arguments are abound on whether the use of cheats are, um, ethical. While theoretically, cheats alter a player’s gaming experience with a little sacrifice on realism (think zero gravity or bazookas with infinite ammo), I think cheating alters it for the better, to some extent. I’m sure thousands share my sentiment. In games with heavy narrative progression or with blatantly insane difficulty, I’m sure everyone must’ve experienced ‘stuck points’ once in a while, or tough boss fights that required inhuman reflexes, at least once in their gaming career. At that moment, nothing seems possible except for ‘outside’ help; a short peek at the walkthrough or a cheeky modification of values in the .INI files would do wonders in terms of self-satisfaction. Let’s face it, contrary to popular beliefs, most gamers do have a life. We don’t have time to spend hours and hours of ‘farming’ our characters or fighting the same boss hundreds of times.

However, cheating in multiplayer matches is still a total bitch. Gamers may recall in annoyance of the legendarily annoying aimbots in CounterStrike, a modified aiming algorithm that allowed noobs to win without any sense of skill, reflexes nor strategy. Now that’s unethical.

To quote Kücklich, cheating in game worlds “is a signal… that the playing field extends far beyond the boundaries of these game worlds” and are always up for the interpretation of the creative clan of people we call cheaters, and those who worked hard to develop/create all those functionality mods, bug exploitations, trainers, walkthrough, hex value modifications and so on. Cheers to you.

Like the famous saying goes, when the going gets tough, dust yourself up and try again. Then switch on to GODMODE.

Excuses

2011-04-04T23:14:00.000+12:00

Is it fair to blame the world for the squalid condition of your life ?
Is it fair to refer to an ancient but plausible set of rules as "how things should be" ?
Is it fair to say that one way is the definite way of how life should be run?

Hey, don't mind me. It's your life. Just don't drag me down with your lack of self-determinism.

Love makes the world go round (and crazy)

2011-03-10T14:03:00.002+13:00

I don't get the rationale behind girls dragging their boyfriends into lectures to sit next to them and look all bored listening to lectures they are not even enrolled in the first place. Seriously, guys, have some worth. There are many many ways to spend quality time with your beloved; at the beach, on her bed, at the mall, somewhere else other than annoying others with your hand-holding and mushy talks in between of taking down notes.

And as I settled down on a bench to eat my lunch in peace, a couple nearby was having a heated arguments. Nothing physical, but it didn't require much eavesdropping to know that the Asian guy was jealous because the girl went to hit the clubs with her girlfriends. Without him. He felt he needed to be there to "protect her from other guys, you know how clubs are like" . I was too hungry to care and ate my lunch. Hey, free afternoon soap.

I just think this is what happens when love gets a little overboard. When you throw yourself and everything you have to love. When you care too much. When things start to go downhill and the hurting and insecurities took over. He/she may be the one (at least that's what we think at this moment - nothing can be said of the future) but seriously?

I've known guys who went broke paying for the things their girlfriends wanted (under the false pretence of chivalry) and girls doing stupid stuffs to get the attention of their boyfriends (under the false pretence that her boyfriend will recognize the error of his way and apologize to her), and vice-versa. Seriously? Is that love? Was there even love in the first place? Thanks to modernization, the 'noble' term of love that the purist had championed for so long have appeared to be diluted by every passing day. The idea of self-sacrificial, undying love is maybe too idealistic, if not impractical, to be embraced in these era of globalization.

And love is not at all related to marriage. People don't seem to get that it's TWO very different things. As much as unmarried lovers are a common sight, love-less marriages are more in number, even if they may not be as prevalent and obvious as the former.

At the time this article/rant is written, I'm in a loving relationship where we cared for ourselves more than/as much as we care about each other. And I'm happy to keep it that way for the time being.

Parents

2011-02-08T22:53:00.000+13:00

I'll be honest here - I don't get parents.

The holidays that I spent at home and my encounters with the older generation have given me an insight on how they think. And till now I'm still not sure what's revolving in their mind most of the time. I acknowledge the 'generational gap' theory did take place, at least in my family, a middle/working class family infused in Eastern values (well, pretty much). In this post, I may have to borrow (albeit loosely) to Robert Capa's term of the Generation X and Generation Y in talking about the divide.

The Generation X is widely steeped in tradition and the 'natural order of things'. To them, the harmony of society is maintained by a certain set of rules. Those rules may not make sense ( cars parked on the porch must always be facing a certain direction) or some sense (teenage daughters should be home before dark), but they have the potential to grow restless should the 'natural order' is changed or defied in any way. This is a bit different to the Generation Y (whom I identified myself to) who, if I may say plainly, has little, if none, loyalty nor tolerance to whatever that is repetitive. We are always looking to 'spice things up'. The average teenager changes his/her handphone model once every 1.5 to 2 years, that is IF he/she is not a hardcore gadget freak. That's to give an easy example. Most of us gave no qualms about leaving our hometown (or homecountry) for study and for work, are more open to differences and subjectivities and, as a result, may identify less with loosening social categories such as races and gender.

So yes, shared thoughts are considered as 'suggestions' in my book, and suggestions CAN be rejected. And always on the move perfectly made sense to me.

In more than one ocassions, I have found that the Generation X placed a fine line between teenage life and adulthood. Those deemed to be belonging to adulthood should act and think in a proper way, the 'adult' way. While the post-modernist in me may object to the slightest subscription to objectivities. But this, may be in conflict with what the young enjoy. The booming electronic/entertainment industry starting from early 1980's saw the birth of toys for the young adult - fancy cars, CD players, the Boombox (gosh, such classic). And one of the most influential technological inventions of all time - the gaming console, which made the living room an exclusive adult-only space in some homes or brought fun-filled, pixelated explosions for the whole family in some. And after that, the line between teenage-life and adulthood had been blurred forever.

So yes, a 22-year old gamer perfectly made sense to me. And so does a 40-year old clubber.

I meant no disrespect. These comparison are merely to help me understand better and command respect. In no way am I hinting that one is the better than the other, they are so different and incomparable. You just have to live with it.

Dunno, maybe I'll see things differently when I become a parent.

Just thank God I'm not one of those Generation Z kids with helicopter parents.

What's The Rush?

2010-11-26T20:40:00.002+13:00

Friends warned me to be wary towards the Kiwi laid-back attitude; the 'meh' apathy towards things, and how they can be so light-hearted even in the midst of trouble. While this may be a generalization, you can see the relaxed (and sometimes unproductive) approach everywhere, even in professional establishments. It may get a little annoying sometimes, but things get done on time and I can't help but to approve that state of mind to a certain extent.

And that got me thinking. Here in Malaysia, the principle is always carpe diem - seize the day. Why are Malaysians always in a rush? We hate queuing in line in supermarkets, we honk freely when the slow car with the 'P' sticker in front goes a little slow and we get a little annoyed with friends who took their own sweet time to reply to our TXTs. It's not like we have a life-and-death deadline (forgive the pun) to chase to all the time. OK maybe sometimes.

I guess it's something ingrained in the Asian culture. Instant gratification and always in a rush to somewhere someplace. We wanted every errands and chores to be done at the end of the day so we can have a peace of mind (some people never achieved that until their death, which is their final and only peace). When people are always rushing off, things get to be a little uncivilized. Line-jumpings, arguments and unnecessary stress. Maybe that's why Malaysia has lots of speeding-related and intersection-related road accidents in addition to hypertensions and negative mental health.

So, chill.

Policy Changes

2010-10-20T14:40:00.000+13:00

When I was growing up, the message around me that I should, at any time, stay true to my identity as a man, a Malaysian, a son, a Muslim, etc. Life principles based on that conventions should be adhered to at any costs, and any attempts to turn your back on them may be considered as a high treason against yourselves (and sometimes 'society').

But now at the moment I feel all of that is being challenged.

The world do revolve around you, it's a fact. Just that it's not a one way thing. Stuffs may happen at the other side of the world but it will still affect you in an indirect way, and vice versa. Being outside of one's microcosm sure helped a lot in seeing this.

Some people argued that identity is a fixed thing. You will always hate veggies, you will always believe that smoking is bad, you will always suck in sports, etc. Notice how all that 'always' became less and less convincing as the example goes. Life in itself is not something that is fixed. Values change, government change, societies change and even religions sometimes undergo reformations in approach.

If there's anything this year had taught me, it's that life principles are fluid and changeable according to situation and current events.

I grew up feeling queasy with public display of affection. Not anymore.
I grew up feeling not comfortable arguing with others when I don't agree with them. Not anymore.
I used to think equality is applicable in all situations. Not anymore.
I used to think studying for success is all that matter. Not anymore.
and yes, long hair and jagged beard does not have any kind of relationship with educational performance or discipline.

Yes, it's laughable. I laugh at that myself sometimes. It's not what you believe in, but rather how you believe in it (and your flexibility to change it should you're required to do so). People that believe in one thing and then stop asking, stop reflecting and start aggressively defending their beliefs are called zealots.

And you know and I know zealots aren't cool. Because they chose to root themselves down instead of progressing and changing along with the world.

Can You Please Stop

2010-06-10T22:55:00.005+12:00

Today I got yet again another forwarded email asking me to boycott product X [insert any generic US-based multi-national company name here]. In the email, there was a picture attachment of the logo of Crocs of what is supposed to resemble the holy Arabic scripture for 'God' (assumed to be reserved exclusively for Muslims). This has created quite an uproar back home, so i heard.

Oh come on. As much as I hate self-righteous politicians politicizing every single thing on the planet, I also hate self-righteous theologians religionizing every single thing on the planet. People just see whatever they wanted to see, and in this case, I think its just the case of being (overly) defensive. Sure, those non-believers don't have anything to do other than closely design their company logo to resemble a holy word in order to offend a a lot of people in their market. That's a really really sound business plan.

There was a similar issue back in 1997 involving a Nike shoe design. That product was recalled in a year after a lot of complaints from folks, Nike issuing an official apology for the resemblance. And the picture is still circulating today as a 'hate fodder'. Read the issue here .

So the next time you get another chain mail from your responsible friend blackmailing you to forward it to others "in the name of the religion", do give it some thought before clicking the forward button. Being imaginative is one thing. Being overimaginative overdefensive is another.

Is your Life actually a Life?

2010-05-16T09:29:00.003+12:00

I love choices. Yes, it does mean you will be heading on a particular direction (be it for the better or for the worse) and will be leaving something behind (perhaps for another day, or for infinity), but those big life choices like marriage or career forces you to take a back seat and look deeply into your life. But some are reluctant to do this, prefering that life MAKE choices on their behalf. How is it possible to live the life that you wanted without making choices and judgements?

In the words of the well-known existentialist, Jean-Paul Satre :

Man is nothing else but that which he makes himself (sic)

It kinda makes me wonder who had been taking charge of my life since birth.

Parents? (having a big influence and taking charge are two really different things)

Morals? (God-given morals and people's interpretations for self-interest are two really different things)

Society? (Does growing up in one affects who you are much, later on in life? Have you ever did something considered unacceptable in THAT society but is OK in your own mind?)

Existentialists view that human define themselves as they confront the world in front of them. This definition, in my perspective, is always fluid and everchanging, mirroring the same evolving nature of the world around you. I'm not being a bitchy iconoclast, attacking traditions and norms, but they're just that : traditions and norms, not rules of life, and should be treated that way.

Sometimes people just choose to oppress themselves out of their own free will, and may come up with a lot of 'rational justifications' and reasons on why they should maintain the status quo when you asked them why they never thought of acting oppositely.

Satre had written about the 'escape from freedom'. In application to the freedom of thought, people will flee from the absolute freedom because it is frightening. It is scary to think that there are alternate ways of seeing the world, alternate ways of doing things we do daily, that we can always choose to act differently, think of a different thought and feel a different emotion from the one you are having at the moment.

Think of highly conservative religious edict, Orwell's 1984 dystopia, Disney Channel, so-called Moral Policing. They all serve to make you think their way. No thank you, but I have a life to live.

Leap of Faith

2010-05-02T23:38:00.002+12:00

I stumbled upon these words today -

Fear of the unknown is where all great things begin with

And I totally agree with the concept. Sometimes life offers you ill-structured situations that seems to branch out into a plethora of endless possibilities and unclear end-results. Think of the Spanish conquistadores, American bandwagon pioneers and the mighty Genghis army. Didn't they all started out by the fear of the unknown, turning it into curiosity for finding out what is exactly that they feared in the first place. And they rocked. HARD.

Sometimes when things turn foggy, and cooly calculated plans doesnt sound that much feasible, all you have to do is close your eyes and run through.

Generalizations

2010-03-23T18:40:00.003+13:00

I should remind myself and others (the usual phrase preachers use, though this writing in no form or manner wishes to emulate that) that the word 'we' is one of the dangerous words in English language. Use we in a statement and you automatically give the impression that you identify yourself with others in the group (intentionally or inadvertently) and at the same time, drag others into the same mud pit for whatever shit statement you are making at the moment.

Yes folks, this is a very generalizing world we live in. I guess categorizing people into groups saves you the trouble of having to remember each distinctive details about each of the individuals in the group, if there even WERE a valid group to begin with. Generalization only sucks when you are at the receiving end, ay? Terms like blondes, Engineering students, lawyers, Asians, and others are so common they don't even surprise me anymore.

So go easy on the 'we' bit. People may not like you as much as you think they would to identify with you, even if we are born in the same country.

Lamentations

2010-03-23T17:54:00.002+13:00

Disclaimer : this post contains intense lamentations and whining that may offend/annoy some people who believe that you should be macho (read: display no emotions and act all tough, however the opposite you may be) or to always project a strong image of youself (read: crumble only when no one else is looking)

Since we are expected to act like a responsible, stern adult with resposibilities and obligations for the large part of the remainder of our life, I guess it's alright to take 5 minutes to reflect and simply be a crybaby.

I cut myself while cooking.

The assignments feels like a heavy burden and steals my sleep.

I misplaced my important ring.

My financial situation is not that good.

I'm having headaches (withdrawal symptoms from battling coffee addiction) all the time.

The weather looks really bleak and kills off any joyful mood you may have.

That level in the game is so hard to get past!

... and nothing ever happens.

Ok, now reverting back to the alternative persona.

Something Different

2010-03-11T17:49:00.002+13:00

I guess the new sem shocks everyone, to a certain extent. My brain had been hibernating during the summer that to rudely awaken it by [forced] readings of some theoretical teaching theories feels like a terrible jolt to the system. Of everything.

#1 Money can buy some class, but money can't buy culture.

I guess subjectively different upbringing determines who you are now. You may claim to take charge of it, but the large extent of it was contributed during your developmental phase, the phase where you ride bikes in training wheels and don't even know what the phrase "being who you are" actually means. Culture is learnt from others, and in some cases, may not be suitable enough for to carry around in every environments we end up in. I despise those groups who insist on 'showing the world how distinctive we are' by simply refusing to comply to commonly-agreed norms of a certain locality; 'We don't do these because we're Malaysians- we do things differently' and some other similar kind of shit. Looking at it on an international student perspective- acting exactly like what you did back home. These are the one who will cry DISCRIMINATION the loudest at some point afterwards without realizing they are the one who had been self-discriminating themselves all along.

I'm not implying that you should adopt the 'lalang' policy (extremely flexible to the extent where you seem to have non-existent life principles) everywhere you go. But as culture is fluid, so does self-identity. It's supposed to be in constant negotiation and modification, regardless how small it is, with the surroundings, not solidified and locked in a box by refusing everything else that sounds unfamiliar.

#2 Too much ambiguity hurts you back in the end

If you have been tolerating ambiguity too much for too long (like me), there's a possibility of ending up forgetting how to be direct. It stresses me that I find it hard to categorize now what's beautiful, what's fashionably-accepted, what's just plain ugly, what is total weird. It's all mixed up. Not a good way to go if I'm taking some objective, factual subject like Maths right. Expressing your intentions were also quite hard, it always had to be explicitly explained to be construed by others.

Early Marriage : Whoa

2010-02-19T22:19:00.006+13:00

This phenomenon, which is definitely foreign to me previously, happened to gather my personal attention during the summer break. People argue that it is good to combat vice and immoral activities as well as securing your future. I dunno. For the former, I rather be my own judge and learn through mistakes than to be afraid to never make mistakes at all. For the latter, I could get an insurance. For the women's rights group or children's rights group, sorry, this article is NOT about arranged child marriages like the ones in South Asia orAfrica.

Sure, sure. In every guy/girl you are emotionally involved at the moment, there will always be the feeling that he/she is THE ONE. After two or three times being misguided by that feeling, it makes you kind of wary to apply that label around freely. Maybe you should try to be in my shoes that you will understand my point. That is, IF you can reach that number of serious and stable relationships without jumping on the first potential choice that came your way.

If my parents are rushing to marry me off as soon as I reach my early 20's, I'll be totally insulted. I take it as they did not have trust in my ability to carry myself around the world and that I have to haave a significant other to assist me in life. Maybe they are afraid I couldn't get a good girlfriend afterwards if I continue to be 'just friends' with this girl and that girl. HELLOOOOOOOOOOO

And then there's the ever-popular Malay saying, "kalau ada jodoh, ada lah" * (if he/she's the one for you, he/she will come over to you ) and "dah jodoh nak buat macamana"* (they are already fated to be, nothing can stop that) are just plain annoying to me. It's just fatalism. Taking things lying down. Designed to stop further questioning of your capacity and leaving everything to your fate. It's along the same concept of me running you over with a car and saying "I'm sorry, it was bound to happen and there's nothing I can do about that. Let's just let it be".

Don't get me wrong but I'm not against the very institution of marriage. I personally think of marriage as a effort to finalize your love for one another, not as means of officializing the love or securing the love so that he/she would not love someone else. That should be done waaaaaaaaaaay before thoughts of marriage can even be allowed to surface. Oh yeah did I mention that the etymology of the word 'marriage' means 'to gamble' ? awesome ay

If your first serious love is your seriously true love and your seriously true love is the one that conquers all of REAL LIFE trials and tribulations and takes precedence over all your other responsibilities and obligations (studies, career, etc.), then you obviously have been watching too much Bollywood.

Or you could just say that God had told you in your dreams to do so. That should be enough to kill all of my points and makes everything's all right for everyone else involved.

*I could not provide a more accurate translation that carry a more precise meaning to the Malay sayings at the time of writing. If you have a better translation, you are most welcome to contribute.

Life's A Series of Episodes

2010-02-19T22:07:00.003+13:00

Someone said to me today that life is like a drama series. If you're a Uni student, most likely it'll be somewhere in the sandwich of Gossip Girls, How I Met Your Mother, and maybe some other lesser known J-Drama out there.

I can't help but to agree to it, in comparison with my own life. New semester will start and the similarities are just standing out like a bright red shirt in Aucklanders' otherwise dull grey fashion sense during the winter. New characters will be introduced, relationships may became more intense or just blur out of recognition, some conflicts will occur, and crazy moments will take place. THAT IS IMMINENT

To whom it may concern/ it is concerned

2010-02-05T15:29:00.003+13:00

Being a third world organization does't mean you have the excuse to OFFICIALLY suck.

And don't make promises you can't keep. Don't call me cheap either for wanting what's been promised to me.

And it's annoying how the discussions was terribly slow because I'm a commoner. Some big-shot's sons or daughters would have sped through it over a sandwich. Favouritism and suck-up rules the day, if you would ask me.

Such an unfair world caused by such an unfair state of mind.

Amok: Is it exclusive to this side of the world?

2010-01-30T04:13:00.003+13:00

The local papers reported about a elderly man who torched his own home before strangling his own wife (she managed to break free, thanks to her son who happened to be there). No reason was given for his action, just a side fact that he was involved in a minor traffic accident the week before, with no injuries but a minor trauma (concussions, maybe). The papers labelled the event as : AMOK

A quick etymology search reconfirmed my previous convictions that the word DOES come from Malay/Indonesian origin, one of the few Malay/Indonesian words to be adopted in the English Language alongside words like paddy and rattan. Portugese settlers in Melaka in the early 16th century were among the earliest to give descriptions on this word. They described "certain people" who "ran out of their homes" on a one seemingly fine day and just "injure (and to some extent, fatally) anyone they met along the way", including their own family members and friends.

An amok incident usually ends with the perpetrator comitting suicide or stopped by bystanders, but not after injuring and killing some innocents along the way. From my observation and experiences, I have some reservations that amok may be particular to this side of the world. Quite an irony given the age-old assumptions that Easterners were supposed to have more spiritual guidance and strength in character to deal with stress given the supposed 'stronger religious inclinations' they hold (haha some people still manage to make me laugh out loud)

Not that I assert that people on the other side of the world do not suffer the same fate. The world-famousVirginia Tech incident was a grim reminder of what a person bullied to the edge of reason is capable of. But the local cases in Asia sometimes does not point to insanity at all. Its just plain... anger. I could recollect courtship tales of the Malay people of the 70's (from uncles and aunts) which involve the father chasing the boyfriend out of the house with a parang (a kind of a short sword used by villagers to clear the undergrowth) with a fit of rage, in the event where the father feels the girl is too young to bring her boyfriend home. Hey, it maybe was a hilarious sight for the villagers at that time but its also shows the high tendency those people have to violence. Being insane do have to start somewhere, right? Luckily Malaysia modernized and doing things like that may get you a lawsuit, and your daughter a spinster.

An amok incident always have a tragic end. Usually the perp was jailed for causing harm under some age-old penal code then released back to society, back into the families' open arms. Under more tragic terms, they usually put much suffering for the family members left behind. Do a quick archive search and you'll find a local case earlier this year of a mother setting herself on fire in protest in front of the house because of her little girl have been acting a bit 'wild'. She eventually died, and that girl is guaranteed to be scarred for life. What a way to teach your child a lesson. As a child, I watched a relative smash a really expensive handphone he worked his ass off to get just because he couldn't reach his girlfriend. And the shrapnels almost hit me in the head. Does that mean I have the amok gene in me as well? Time will tell.

Sympathies offered to families affected by amok events and apologies extended in advance should they be offended in any way.

How to tell whether you are an O.R.S (Obsessive Religious Snob)

2010-01-29T03:14:00.002+13:00

I did observations on people around me, like a normal people would do. I'm sure you would come across these types more often than not, especially if you live in a place where there is a large concentration of a certain 'like-minded' people in a community. No particular religion is targeted but alas, you'll know pretty much it kinda applies to all. Not to generalize but I do notice some similarities that may help you to spot these kind of people and deal with them accordingly (I don't mean anything violent OK). Note: my observation may be limited to my cultural circles and geography. So its authority and reliability is limited. Not that I strive to assume that my writing should have them in abundance in the first place; it's a post-modern era here, hello.

#1 You stop having a brain. Your world-views are limited to those who preached the loudest. You are convinced that what were previously OK in your own consideration are no more agreeable to be done in society. Groupthink is the order of the day. Subjective views goes down the drain.

#2 The labelling starts. People who do not share your view are "those who have not been enlightened". People who openly disagree with you are "those who read but do not understand". People who were made uncomfortable by your religious practice (however dogmaticly rightful you think that practice is) are "plain infidel"

#3 You manipulate religion for your goals. Then there would be dumb things done 'in the name of God'. Examples would come in abundance, if you read the local and foreign news. On a smaller scale, I know this guy who starts messing around with someone else's girlfriend because he said he prayed to God and God "tells him to do so" as "she is the perfect one for him". And thats how easy it is. And don't get me started on the "vote for me because God wants me to rule this country" crap.

#4 You usually try to influence/persuade/force other people to think the way you do, recruiting them into your group so that the groupthink is hard to challenge because of the (assumed) numerical superiority. Young people are usually targeted. With growing membership the groupthink could evolve into something else, such as cultural norms or national movement.

#5 You and your like-minded peers are always right all the time. ALL THE TIME

The list is by no means exhaustive, just serving as my own reflection of things that are troubling my mind and my community. This is no preaching nor advice. Just making my own view heard, and I'm sure I'm not alone.

Arguments welcome.

Reflection of a Passing Moment

2009-11-19T19:22:00.003+13:00

Oh man, is this a blog or a freakin yearbook?

Oh well, the semester's coming to an end. Moments have been enjoyed, some mistakes been made, some arguments flew but smiles that mended all those things have rarely failed. Hellos and goodbyes were interwoven with one another.

Like every other REALISTIC human being, I give some room to admit that there had been new resolutions made as well as some principles being felled. And thats what makes us human.

With the coming of every end there will be new beginnings. Along with the continuation of what you already have: Family, Friends and Life. (Money, im not really sure :P)

Random Thoughts #1

2009-09-17T12:22:00.004+12:00

MAYBE..

... the reason why people keep calling themselves cute, handsome, etc. (to the extent of using it as screen name in IM or Facebook) is PARTLY because in real life, they usually aren't? Such traits are radiated in confidence, not mentioned.

... the reason people think they are discriminated (as a result of being a minority, religious differences etc.) is PARTLY because they themselves desire to be so different thus self-discriminated themselves in the process?

... TO SOME EXTENT, there's no such thing as culture? That's just something imposed upon us?

It's a PERSONAL Blog, Hellooooooo

2009-09-16T15:15:00.005+12:00

Why do people even bother copy-pasting other's writing into their blog for other friends to read? I mean, its your own personal space in this confusing world and you choose to paste other's opinion on it and call it your own? That's just plain plagiarism.

Have some bit of originality, man. I mean, it's OK copying a part of it and adding in your own response (I do that a lot, I have to admit), editing it, disagreeing with it, criticizing it, anyhow. But merely parroting his/her opinion and just 100% agreeing with it, isn't that a bit of..um.. PATHETIC?

All this groupthink is...ugh

The "Other" Side of Good and Bad

2009-08-15T01:26:00.003+12:00

Everything has a function.

In a practice of grey-area analysis that I read in a book (magazine, actually :P) , I'd like to list down the 'other side' of elements in society that people had always labelled as 'total good' and 'total bad' stuffs, just for fun.

Disagreements and additions are welcomed. What I said is never perfect and/or dogmatic. Whateva comes from a normal human being is never is. Maybe that is what those people should be reminded of.

BAD (???)

VIOLENCE ON TV/MOVIES
- education of the extent human can do to inflict injury upon others for personal motives/religion/ideology/isnt all of these the same?. Can be linked back to the concept of 'pre-emptive strike', inflict pain before you are inflicted on. Also links to mere human paranoia towards people who are different (again, in personal motives/religion/ideology/all the same)

CRIME
- well, the people do need something to remind them what is acceptable and not acceptable in society's law (which is made by human).
- also relates to the typically normal and human instinct of some to rebel against constrictive pre-set values set by society (read : OTHER PEOPLE), the same instinct that we (assumed to be the 'normal people' ) reward when our little kids can stand up and think for him/herself.

PORNOGRAPHY
- sexuality education
- sexuality education
- sexuality education
- spreading the idea that sex is a (supposedly) normal element of HUMAN interaction in society, similar to chit-chatting and playing football in the park. Should never be an alien topic or swept under the carpet. Seriously, who invented the word "taboo"?? What difference does it make if you're watching 2 strangers having sex and 2 people fighting over family fortune? both are immoral. LOL

GOOD (???)

EQUALITY
- it's a broad term, and although Marx's ideas may make some sense, making everyone equal is to ignore their own unique individual/ethnic/social class identity (credit to Bordieu). Everyone's different, and in some respect, there will always be someone better than you in some qualities. That homeless guy across the street may live a happier life than you, you never know.

SUCCESS
- well, success is just the matter of finding the maximum outlet of gratification for your specific abilities (everyone has some) and how to keep your weaknesses hidden.

Winter of Discontent

2009-08-15T01:15:00.003+12:00

I woke up today and I decided that I'm not happy with my life.

The new sem has started, new friends been made, new places explored, new things discovered, new skills (ice skating!!) learnt. But still life feels limited and subdued. Maybe the reason is I have little motivation. There is little threat that lies to those that misbehaved and slacked off and little reward that lies for the excellent goody two-shoes. Life stays in a limbo like an everlasting loop.

In the future, when my kids/students ask me whats life's like in Auckland, I dont want to answer I didnt do anything much because I was limited by some folks' overzealous interpretation of what's right and wrong. I dont want to say I didnt do anything much because I was too busy doing nothing. Was too busy thinking about people's feelings and considering people's needs, was too busy over-analyzing consequences of my actions.

No more.

Moral Guardian or Assumed Self-Righteousness?

2009-06-18T18:24:00.006+12:00

There are actually some people in this world, to my surprise, that take on the assumed mantle of 'moral guardian' of others. I don't get this. Its one thing to point out/make obvious their disagreement on your opinion, but it's another to discreetly attempt to sway it to the 'right' way (read: the way THEY want it to be)

TV Tropes defined them as :

Groups of people, stereotypically of conservative persuasion but almost as commonly liberals enforcing "politically correct" morality, who believe that children — or people in general, but children — shouldn't be exposed to what they consider to be excessive violence, sex,foul language, sexism, racial or ethnic stereotypes, etc. Usually, they are self-appointed, and claim vastly larger memberships than they actually have.

First of all, every human have a right of free will. If we always have people looking out for us and never to make a single mistake in life, when will we learn of the appreciation of life?

About protecting the children, should they be deprived of images of the real world? Imagine growing up with the notion of life as all rosy, families are always closely-bonded together forever and whatever the problem is, the world is fair and everyone will always be happy in the end. That's what happen when you watch too much Disney Channel and not enough news on REAL WORLD.

Above all, moral values are subjective and are different across religion/nationality/ethnic/class. Hell, even families who live next door to one another can sometimes have totally contrasting moral values. So why bother on pushing your own idea of what you think is wrong unto others?

I do think it's OK to believe in 'universal' ( I said that with little conviction) values such as human rights, equality, etc. But is 'universal' really 'universal'? Do they really apply to everyone and to all situations? Do everything (well, mostly everything) that came out as a result of human interpretation always 100% accurate and 100% fair?

I dont't think so.

But that's just me.

The Lost 72

2009-06-08T02:18:00.002+12:00

Not really a follower of the series, but the idea of losing a large fragment of your life away from reality intrigues me. Well, maybe because I spent the last 72 hours being "LOST"

By "LOST" I mean little contact with the outside world, little effort to better myself in studies, little effort to take care of my own well-being. Little concern of the world whatsoever, so fragile a mental state that I could throw away the whole world beyond my shoulder without a single hesitation.

But, today I realized that there is still love. There is still hope in this world. There is still people called friends that I can hold on to.

And above all, I saw Fafa's supercomplete exam notes. And I got jealous+kiasu.

Are There Such Thing As Bad Memories??

2009-06-08T01:49:00.004+12:00

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.

~~Alexander Pope

I was reminded of this popular quote as my mind wondered towards some of the painful memories of early life. One may choose to ignore them, to bury them deep inside their conscience or to have them erased, but in my personal opinion it is such memories that we should continue to review and re-live it everyday (I didn't mean making the same mistake over and over again). Why? because it represents another fragment of life that changes you.

Think of an artist, working on a marble sculpture. Every knock of the hammer on the marble is hard on the ears and not pretty to look, but it is necessary to do so. Every bang of the chisel makes the previously shiny marble look ugly and deformed. This continues one by one, day by day. Each mark of the chisel represents a mistake in your life, an embarassing moment, an immature act, an ignorance. If you simply take one away, the masterpiece of a statue we call Life will never be complete.

If, in the future, the brilliant scientists come out with a device to erase bad memories (as in the popular movie), I know I wont be the one queing up for it. I rather keep it. Bad memories (and good ones!) made/make/will make me grow.

P.S - winter's making me all depressed and melancholic. Apologies.

Looking for Change

2009-05-26T04:23:00.003+12:00

Alfred North Whitehead said :

~~ the art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve change amid order

I read in a book somewhere that as a child, your brain develops quickly because you are learning new things everyday. However, as we grow old, the rate of the development drops as the rapidness of learning new things drop.

The book encourages you to do new things everyday so the brain continue to be challenged. This links to the concept of Zone of Proximal Development in learning (OK, I'm talking nerdy here). I guess thats why globe-trotters are always active to their 60's and 70's. they see new places and new things all the time.

In my subjective opinion, I believe in progress..there can be positive progress and negative progess, but it means that there's an outcome. Having a reward-driven mindset (I didn't mean greedy and disdainful) is never a bad option to fall to at the end of the day.

In need of change. In need of a rebellion.

Brain Inactivity

2009-05-14T15:27:00.004+12:00

I had a run pass through Aucklanders this evening. No, its not a normal jog. Its a run of despair. Hatred. Fear.

Something is going wrong in my life. You see, having an inactive brain is a BIG SIN in my dictionary.

Idleness is the devil of the mind, or so says this great person.

Random Reflections #1

2009-05-14T15:16:00.003+12:00

Yesterday I saw a one-legged seagull hopping along its compatriot, suffering but still looking for food to survive.

Yesterday I saw a sad looking homeless old man in the students' toilet, enjoying his shower amidst stigmatizing stares of the university students.

Not long ago, I saw a husband and wife street preacher, preaching amidst the sun and the rain, wearing the same scraggly clothes i saw them the day before and the day before. And they smiled at me.

All this are (real-life) tales of survival. And it got me thinking that I had it good.

Some of my life's principles was broken some time ago and it kind of makes me look at life of simple objectives (get a good job, find love and settle down, happy family) never the same again.

There should be more to life than this.

The Power of Library

2009-05-03T16:01:00.005+12:00

I went to the library this morning to do some assignment catching-up with blurry recollections of the day before (gaming, hangover and gaming again). By the end of the day, I was amazed at the result, a days worth of work (in respect to my pace) is done in like, 3 hours? what the hell???

Libraries are mere locations in which books are collected and stored, but with all those knowledge concentrated at one place, it kind of gives you the atmosphere of seriousness and focus you need, especially with the deadline around the corner. I especially like the Literature section, just makes you feel like you're sitting among the great poets and playwrights, even though you may spent hours on writing essay introductions alone and you suck in imagining things.

OK, this may sound totally nerdy, but I'll admit it.

I'm Dzaf, and I like the General Library.

FYI, I don't wear thick rectangle specs.

Religious Snobbery

2009-04-28T17:34:00.005+12:00

Picture this situation :

Situation A

AAA (name changed) is a devout Catholic. She belongs to a middle-class family who have a strong faith in God. She thanks God before she eats, she always care for his friends' feelings; doesn't believe in pre-marital sex (though her friends say she's hot enough to get a guy anytime she wanted to). She rarely misses church service every week, and she believes that everyone has a right to practise their own religion. The thing is, AAA here have a good friend, BBB. BBB is a devout Muslim, who practices her religion freely in a democratic country which gives freedom to do so. BBB is a kind of nice girl and wears a headscarf. They are best friends and always hang out with one another in cafes and parks (like girls usually do), inviting curious looks. AAA's Catholic friends says that she shouldn't hang out with BBB too much. So-called friends of the Sisterhood tried to separate AAA away from BBB, deemed unsuitable to be best friends with for fear of swaying AAA's faith.

You must be saying, OMG who do they think they are? That is sooooo "ISLAMOPHOBIC", right? But before you start feeling offended..

Picture this one for a change

Situation B

AAA (name changed) is a devout Muslim. She belongs to a middle-class family who have a strong faith in God. She thanks God before she eats, she always care for his friends' feelings; doesn't believe in pre-marital sex (though her friends say she's hot enough to get a guy anytime she wanted to). She never misses her prayers, and she believes that everyone has a right to practise their own religion. AAA wears a headscarf. The thing is, AAA here have a good friend, BBB. BBB is a devout Catholic, who practices her religion freely in a democratic country which gives freedom to do so. BBB is a kind of nice girl. They are best friends and always hang out with one another in cafes and parks (like girls usually do), inviting curious looks. AAA's Muslim friends says that she shouldn't hang out with BBB too much. So-called friends of the Sisterhood tried to separate AAA away from BBB, deemed unsuitable to be best friends with for fear of swaying AAA's faith.

Now can I apply the same question here? Who the hell do THEY think they are?

Can you come out with a word for it? Tell me if you can, cause as absurd as it is, both situations do happen in reality. These excerpts are just an example and have no intentions to offend anyone of any religion, though, sadly, Situation B do happen FOR REAL to a friend of mine. People still have distrust to one another; those internalized mindset that 'people who are different from us' are bad and evil and befriending them will only lead us to no good and eventually hellfire. I may not be an Islamic scholar, but I believe that even the Prophet S.A.W himself detested such twisted logic.

And dont get me started on the race thing.

My sympathies to my friend who had been a victim of religious snobbery. Apologies extended in advance should the simple potrayals of respective religions were not entirely accurate.

A New Start

2009-04-25T01:46:00.000+12:00

After a hiatus of almost 2 years from this page, I'm back! And about time (my 2007 and 2008's resolution was to start blogging again but..) Just facing some stress lately that I couldnt cope without sharing it to the world (as opposed to what's been happening for the last 2 years).

Yes,yes..posts may not be the same with the previous ones but at least some essence of it will remain, expressed in more mature terms.

Can't wait to get cracking.

changes...for the better?

2007-01-18T20:16:00.000+13:00

2007 brings new changes in me, but I can't say for sure what's happening exactly.
some relationships hit a new low, some soar over, soome remain constant.I guess that's life.

i guess my changes did intimidate some people.I vowed, on the eve of the new year, that some negative things in me will never be around anymore in the revolving year.
it did.at least some of it.

must..find..determination..

2006-11-10T15:31:00.000+13:00

wonder where's my determination lately..I've been waking up late because I always slept a second time after waking up ( TOO UNDETERMINED TO OVERCOME LAZINESS ) and sometimes not determined enough to help people needing help ( 1/2 ikhlas )..

I've been jogging around for a couple of days.To get that flabby places flat is the secondary objective, the main one is to get my determination back..it build determination by my constant act of pushing myself more and more kilometres ahead even when I'm dead tired and people told me I can't go on anymore, I will still go for it.

An easier way might be cutting my hair like that and joining this band

RAYA ! at teacher's residence #1

2006-11-07T13:31:00.000+13:00

Last Thursday evening we TESLers walked up to a nearby housing area to visit a Pn.Noraini's house, which was not so far from the college.Well, it was the usual raya celebrations, just that this is our first with her ( and her son and daughter).

Well, it was a blast.The plan- we crash in,enjoy the food as much as we can ( which were ultra-tasty!), have a good time, bermaaf-maafan, and return to college.We did just that.Well, words aren't enough to describe the atmosphere, so here's some photos of it.

Arrived back at college at 11.30 pm and jumped straight to the shower and then lunged straight to the much-due literature work.

brief intro bout my fren here..

2006-10-18T16:53:00.000+13:00

dzafarin..the first thing that come through my mind the moment i saw this guy "my god!! am i going to be with HIM for the next 6 years??"..he was wearing pink..pink..pink..but,i try not to thnk bad about others..who am i..when time pass by..it seems like i can accept him the way he is..here are some features of DZAFARIN;

1.intelligent (10a1 dowh)
2.very well mannered
3.hardworking (more than me) lol
4.gurl says he's cute
5.romantic..oho
6.cant hide his feeling well enough..i can see it through his face..

dats all from now..aha!! alert!! he's a little NAUGHTY..

Sleep Deprivation

2006-10-10T13:18:00.000+13:00

For the next few days I've been suffering from a chronic lack of sleep
well,weekends aren't for sleeping,so I stayed up all nite and do fun yet time consuming things with the guys
Then comes the blurry vision,lack oof focus and a brain that cease to operate(well, at least at the cognitive part),thank GOD,temporarily.
OK,OK now lets go back to the winning ways of getting enough sleep,shall we,Dzafarin?

A Thing We Call Exam

2006-10-03T13:21:00.000+13:00

EXAM.WHOA

I know,I know,some people didn't like it,but hey,exams are our way of evaluating ourself,so,let's just get down with it.

My results are so-so.I learned yesterday not to put the blame on the fasting month nor everyone else.I am the one to blame.I know I can do better than this..

Wonder how my parents will take it..I got a point to prove-that having a love relationship won't affect my studies and yet,I am unable to study like hell to get that..maybe an after-effect of too much worldly indulgences for the past months..huhu

Stockholm Syndrome

2006-09-20T19:58:00.000+12:00

What is Stockholm Syndrome?

it refers to a condition where a victim of a kidnapping incident is held by his/her captors in such close proximity for a certain amount of time.The victim will develop some kind of bond with the captors,especially when the captors avoid using excessive violence or threats on the victim.The sense of empathy and closeness is shown on the kidnapping case of Austrian girl Natasha Kampush some time ago,where she had lived with her kidnappers for many years before deciding to flee from him ( the kidnapper,said to be a child sex offender,comitted suicide soon after she was rescued)

Many psychologists blame this condition on affecting the victims' judgement in dropping charges against their kidnappers or even refusing to return home.

What's the relation, you might ask, of this condition to me?

I spent some time under this place and not so many time at home, and i started to ignore people that i knew,people that i have back home,people that are close to my heart.

like last weekend,i was very busy with my own things to do that i forgot to spend attention to them.Its been a habit of mine to call home every weekend since i was in form4..
i think i felt a sense of closeness to this place,the people here ( which is not a bad thing ) but at the same time, i wonder myself why the people that's important to me are all drifting away from my life ( can be said that I'm the one drifting myself away )

I ignored her,which made her cry.A lot.I realized that mistake, and i realized how much she love me.It feels kind of pain inside to see your loved ones in a state like that.If you're reading this, I'm sorry for that, love..I also didn't call my mum (that's 3 weekends in a row) and her phonecall last Sunday to ask how am I doing here was very..touching..She didn't ask why i haven't called her for a long time,but from her tone,I can tell that she's hurt.

I remembered watching the movie "Click" some time ago, and adult jokes aside, I almost cried when that guy died without having the chance to say goodbye to his father, whom he just ignored before and his wife and kids, where he had taken for granted before.
I knew,I'm like, a bad son, and a bad boyfriend.

Appreciate your loved ones.You don't know what happens tomorrow.
Everything can change in a blink of an eye.

Where Have My Innocence Gone?

2006-09-08T14:53:00.000+12:00

I heard the song " Field of Innocence " and it made me think of how far I have changed in this 18 years.

I just wonder whether my innocence is still present in me..

I have doubts on people ( NOT ALL! ),make pre-judgements,develops pessimism(sometimes)
I'm so cham...
And I HATE that

I grew up from a 6-year-old boy who doesn't even care of the world ( like I have the interests to watch the World News at that time ) to a world-concious teen,
putting self-interests ahead of others ( like thinking twice before doing a charity )
and sometimes broke rules to get what I wanted ( college rules?haha, won't be elaborating it for now)

innocence,where have you go..
don't need much,just a little will do..

a bit melancholy right?haha sorry..
guess the world changed me.

The Authoritarian Mindframe

2006-09-05T17:07:00.000+12:00

It doesn't take long before I am met with another event of the authoritarian attitude.Some people think they could just be the ' moral police' for everyone else.

HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

listen to this- you must not bla bla bla
and yes,if I can see the point and the positive outcome of what they're saying,OK, I'll be very glad to comply but this, doesn't make any sense..just another man-made rule thats absurd to me

don't get me wrong,i'm not a misanthrope(spelling?) ..

2006-09-04T20:39:00.000+12:00

Field of Innocence

I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now

Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
Oh I, I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all

I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now

Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
Oh I, I want to go back to
Believing in everything

Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
Oh I, I want to go back to
Believing in everything

Oh where, where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
Oh I, I want to go back to
Believing in everything

A Service Message

2006-08-17T18:24:00.000+12:00

EX8: ATTENTION

Hello readers of this blog. Today, I just want to inform you people about a new blog Dzaf, Dwane and me created. The link is http://teslbattleroyal.blogspot.com . To let you guys know, we used the exact setting of our college and also used real names of students and teachers in 7.9 class. Hope these people permit us to use their names please. Don't worry, the story is totally fictional and is not related with anyone either they are alive or already dead.

To the mangaka of "Battle Royal" and fans of them, please forgive us for using this great piece of comic as our storyline. It is a fascinating story and are just inspired by the story. Thank you so much, you guys!

About Battle Royal: !WARNING! This story has scenes of gore and some might think it is a very cruel story. Not suitable for those who have weak spirit, pregnant and not suitable for people who are easily angered when their name is used. "Battle Royal" is a story about a group of students (preferably a class) who are forced to enter a very cruel competition set up by their superiors. The rule; kill everyone and become the only one alive! The one who survives, wins the game. Readers will learn more about the rules as they read the story, so I'll stop my explanation here. Who will win, Battle Royal??

originally posted by Daniel Azere at 6:51 PM 0 comments

Peer pressure? yeah right

2006-08-16T17:06:00.000+12:00

the topic for today's daily class talk is about unruly girls..
woah how interesting

according to miss nana,

1.number of unruly girls who are invlolved in criminal activities are on the rise.an increase of x% is stated by her,but at that time i was too sleepy to take notice huhu ( that's what you get for watching DVD till late night,mr!)

2.she says its about peer pressure,parents and etc...

with respect,i disargee(erin's term for "disagree" to its highest extent,oho) withthat.sure,when u you turn into a bad egg,you blame EVERYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD rather than YOURSELF.
(the goverment,parents,friends,and the list goes on...)

i quote miss hana

"you can be anyone you want,you dont have to be like what your friends are" ( she said something like this laa)

i thank God everyday that i,as of this point,turned up just OK.I mean,i do have criminal intentions but i found the perfect channel to it yeah! (read blog entry #2)

lust + greed + gluttony + sloth...everything is on me..huhu

2006-08-13T00:29:00.000+12:00

wah..
my plans seem to fall apart one by one..

1.i plan to save money, i end up spending so much im almost broke 24 hours after i draw money froim the ATM (im gonna get killed if my parents know about this..but hey,whats the point of having "deceptive silence" if you dont use it right?haha)

2.i plan to study,i mean focus on my study and spend much of my free time doing it(like what i did back at maktab,my maktabmate knew how nerd i was back then) but hey,i end up doin something fun and yeah, not-so-educational with my frenz,haha like now,i planned to do my math but i got stuck surfing internet at KMS' CC instead huhu

3.i plan to save my kredit for some time but i end up finishing it by no timee....

help!i think i need professional help..
something to give me determination to fight this "temptations" huhu
(its not exactly bad but hey,they say too much of good thing creates problems,right?)

a numb feelin..

2006-08-04T15:52:00.000+12:00

False Alarm

I'm trying to put this thing to bed
I drugged it in it's sleep
There isn't many memories
I'm comfortable to keep

This ball keeps rolling on
It's heading for the street
Keep expecting you to send for me
Tte invitation never comes

Each time I turn around
There's nothing there at all
So tell me why I feel like
I'm up against a wall

But maybe it's a false alarm
And every answer sounds the same
Just colours bleeding into one that hasn't got a name
Maybe I can't see
Maybe it's just me

Another curtains coming up
The audience is still
I'm struggling to cater for
The space I'm meant to fill

And distance doesn't care
No distance doesn't care

Each time I turn around
There's nothing there at all
So tell me why I feel like
I'm up against a wall

But maybe it's a false alarm
And every answer sounds the same
Just colours bleeding into one that hasn't got a name
Maybe I can't see
Maybe it's just me

I'm trying to put this thing to bed
I drugged it in it's sleep
Remember what you said.
Are you comfortable to keep it?
Keep it?

Confusion Is Around Me..(part II)

2006-08-03T12:31:00.000+12:00

fortello

Confusion Is Around Me..

2006-08-02T17:09:00.000+12:00

~do you love me?
~yes,i do.nothing can change that
~then why are you saying you wanted us to be just friends?
~its just that at this time we are not supposed to be lovers,just the best of friends.its just not right.
~huh?
~i'll wait for you.
~im gonna do just the same.

woah yesterday was quite an experience.a day i'll never forget.she said that she only wanted to be my friendJUST a friend.A FRIEND?i known some of my guy friends that had their romance ended with other crueller reasons,but this?

not so long ago, i read a research paper that humorously(almost) pointed out about the difference of how the male and female organisms of each beings think,about food,sex,safety etc.hmm now it all seems true.SO true.

i didnt know what to feel,and i went to take the math test under that state of delirium.(today,the results are out and i,thankfully got a decent mark)yesterday seems too stressing to bear.but hey,after i talked with her for a while,it all seems so clear.

she only wanted to put a temporary stop to our love.but being a friend,only,maybe i can accept that.for how long,only god knows..

addicted?not quite..

2006-07-26T17:27:00.000+12:00

(CAUTION)
content maybe inappropriate to folks who cannot separate reality and fantasy..

this game is called Empyrez(R).its about a FANTASY game where you control a gang (your own,started a bit small lah) but then you can grow up your empire by drug pushing,prostitute(pros) recruiting,hitting other gangs,stealing their money and women..haha
dont get me wrong,when i was a kid,i always think being a crime lord is kinda cool but of course there a moral constraint in doing that in real life..

of course having such a big gang,its always hard to keep everyone happy..your thugs will want a continuous supply of beer and AKs,Glocks etc..you drug dealers will need drugs to push..etc..so hard..currently my gang is based in Madrid,Spain.Just moved there from Rome,Italy, home of the great Mafia..

i thought of publishing my game stats here also,just to give me some bragging rights,hehe but looks like it's kinda low because i've just been hit by other gangs..so maybe next time

prologue

2006-07-26T17:20:00.000+12:00

hurm this is my first blog entry in so long time..
last time i was too busy to continue one and then forgot the password.. >_<
but in that loooooooooooooooooong period of excursion,
many events had happened,
many things had changed,
many people have come and go..
but i maybe are pretty much the same..
(ok,maybe there's some personal growth)